Single at 30. Age Expectations vs Reality



So I turn 30 April 29th this year. I have no kids, and I'm single. Whoa if you would have told me this is what 30 would look like when I was 20 or even 26, I would have surely laughed. When I was in high school, I pictured getting married at 22/23, kids at 25, and by 30, I'd have a girl and boy, a home, an amazing body,  an amazing career, and a great husband. I thought that was all possible, and for some people maybe it is, but for me, and about half of my friends, it isn't. Even my friends that are married, still didn't go about it in that perfect picture. The reality of "adulthood" and what our 30's would look like are certainly different than what they actually are. One of my best friend's and I used two fake IDs when we were 20 and the age of the IDs were 29, and we surely thought we wouldn't get away with it. 29 seemed so old. Now it's hilarious because I look the exact same. In fact, some people say I look younger now then I did at 20. The expectations of 30 are completely different.




Most of us just figured out our careers in the last couple years, and some of us are still looking for our lifetime careers. I'll admit, sometimes the thought of not having those things is sometimes scary, but at the same time, I'm super happy with life right now. I'm going to graduate school in the fall, and I have both career and personal goals that I would like to meet over the next couple years. Is a male partner one of those goals? Yes. Do I feel I'm lacking in any area if I do not meet that goal? No. I do not want to settle. I do not want to deal. I feel the older we get, the better we know ourselves, our needs, our expectations. One big difference between high school and now is, I used to want to be a stay-at-home mom. That is definitely not what I picture now. Not that I'm judging anyone who wants to do that, but I need adult interaction everyday, and I feel it is important to contribute financially to any relationship for that relationship to feel equal. As I've grown to know myself and my previous relationship experiences, I realize that though I want to be a great mother, I want to still be Elissa. I want to be a boss, and not just of my household. I also know that with my field, technology, that getting out of the game for even a couple years would make it difficult to be up to date.




The only clock I think about with age is biological. I do realize that I'm against the clock in terms of babies. I essentially have five years before I'd be considered "high risk". So this past year, I start exploring the options of freezing my eggs. I know that younger eggs are more healthy and viable. My OBGYN and I went over options, and she advised me to wait until I'm 32 because most women end up not using their eggs. So if at 32, I'm not headed directly towards marriage, I'll freeze my eggs and stop the clock. I do not want to make life decisions based off the biological clock. I think as women, preserving this options and learning more about modern medicine's possibilities takes some of the stress and rush off. So ladies...and some gentlemen. Take your time. Don't hold your value in your ability to be with someone. Some people are just with anyone. Life is good with or without a partner.

XOXO