Standards vs Too High of Expectations

Hi Ladies,



So a lot of people really liked my article about being single at 30. I figured I would follow it up with another life post. This one is do I have too high of expectations or am I encountering people who do not reach my standards?! A homeboy of mine actually told me my standards are too high. I find that to be offensive. It's kinda like, I shouldn't have my preferance or that I'm single because I have too high of expectations. I'll start from the beginning. I was dating this guy a while back, and there were some red flags. My friend told me I was being picky and to give the guy a chance. I did, and it was worst than I expected. Well if  I'm single because my standards are too high...I'll remain single. I'll run you down on my standards so you can judge for yourself.

1) Real relationship with God
2) Attractive to me
3) Physically some what fit
4) Financially stable
5) Driven
6) Trustworthy
7)Views of relationship are the same as mine aka equally yoked

Everything really falls into those six categories for me. Let's start with the top. Real relationship with God. I want someone who has Christian principles, and our expectations of relationships and marriages are similar. I feel like marriage is just as much of a business decision as it is a love based decision. I want to make sure my partner and I are on the same page.

Attractive-to me :): Well that's obvious. I won't say I'm shallow, but I def have eyes and they don't adjust. I've talked to guys that I didn't find attractive but were great men, but I wasn't attracted to them. Vibe killed.

Physically some what fit: well I can say, even when I was overweight, this was a standard of mine. One of my exes used to make sure I hit the gym at least a few times a week and ate well. I wasn't my size now, but I definitely was not at my heaviest until after we broke up. I feel like your partner affects every aspect of you. I want to remain small, and active. Also refer to No 2...I want to remain attracted to them. I know with age, some physical traits will pass, and I'm okay with that. Overall great health habits are good ones. A gym partner wouldn't be bad either.

Financially Stable: I've dated men who were broke and I helped them out and I've dated men with money who I never had to think about paying. Financially stable doesn't mean they have to take care of me, that would be nice, but I also plan to bring home the bacon. At this point, I'm dating a person that's probably 10+ years into their career. You should have at least an emergency fund, a 401k, health insurance, and be able to cover your monthly bills. A date shouldn't break you, and I hate feeling like I have to restrict what I order when I go on a date. I wouldn't ever go crazy on someone else's dime, but I want to feel comfortable like when I'm paying for myself. Also, when I do treat, I want them to be comfortable too.

Driven: Whew....I have a drive. I'm a go getter career wise and life wise. I have goals with every company I've been with, and I've hit them. I work hard and I execute my plan. I want someone who's also striving for their next goal. To me a driven man, is rarely a broke one. At least for not long periods, because they are constantly striving for the next career step, business opportunity, or yearly bonus to hit. Being driven isn't just money either. It's the person's view on life. Are you a go getter or are you just comfortable?

Trustworthy: This is a biggie. Trust is really hard to rebuild after it's broken. I want someone who's honest and upfront from the start, avoid all the BS.

Views of the relationship are the same as mine: I need someone to be on the same page with me with what the goal of dating and being in a relationship is which is marriage to me. I want the same expectations when it comes to what's appropriate behavior. Enjoys traveling together. Likes spending time together, and also likes spending time alone. I need there to be a right fit.

So if I man doesn't reach these standards, why should I lower them to accommodate that man? I feel like saying a woman's standards are too high is basically saying she should take whatever is available. I'm single because I haven't met this type of man. If I wanted to be with someone for the sake of not being single,  I could. I honestly could be married right now. But what would that do for that man? A wife who secretly doesn't feel like he measures up, or is disappointed by his shortcomings? What would that do to me? A woman who either struggles to not emasculate her husband so they don't highlight their own accomplishments or one who runs him because I feel I have more of the power in the relationship. There has to be balance in relationships. I think with men, the women they date are just expected to bring a certain amount to the table. If she doesn't, then that man is either justified in cheating and "leveling up" or she can't be mad if he doesn't treat her well. For women, it's the opposite. If a woman cheats, she didn't hold her man down or she was expecting too much from a man who already has so many expectations coming in from society. I'm here to say, I do expect certain things. My standards aren't too high for the person who it matters to, which is me.

XOXO